A soldier's feelings
by Schwerelos
Summary: The day Conrad had to go to war, he gathered all the strength he felt he had, not for the combat, not for all the dangers and threats he was sure to face, but for another reason altogether.


**Author's notes:** my mind is horrible and while I was rewatching that certain Seiya→Usagi scene, it decided it wanted to associate with Conrad and Julia and. Well. This is the result.

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**A Soldier's Feelings**

It was a long morning. The soldiers were all busy in the patio of the castle and everybody was running up and down making sure everything was prepared for them to go to battle.

Conrad Weller, captain of the army's first division, had all the things he required ready since first thing in the morning. He knew this day would come sooner than later and he felt prepared. However, he dreaded the very idea; despite his battle skills and all his combat formation, he still dreamed of a peaceful world somewhere in his heart and he knew very well what -or better said, who- was the reason behind these guarded thoughts.

The very same lady he was looking for that day.

Lady Susanna Julia von Wincott was already waiting in the courtyard that morning. She couldn't see, but she could feel the peaceful rustling of the wind over the leaves and the flowers, a shocking contrast to all the activity going through the castle. She had been waiting for him, of course. He had been her guardian and companion since forever and she had to admit that it was harsh to see him go. The irony of the thought came to her immediately. He didn't know, but he would soon be the one saying goodbye. Julia felt slightly guilty at that, but knew that it was the best way to act. She shouldn't distract him; it would be dangerous for him. She knew that if she told him, he would refuse to go and decide to stay with her and she wouldn't let him and he wouldn't be able to think of anything else in the following days. It was sort of selfish of her, but it had to be that way. Today she would bid farewell to him, as a lady should.

"Milady," he approached "I had been looking for you."

"You knew you would find me here, Lord Weller. Are you feeling anxious because of what is to come?"

He looked at her, smiling softly.

"I would be lying if I said I am not. I am confident of my own skills and those of my comrades, but one can never be too cautious. It is a war, after all. Anything could happen."

"You fear for the worst, then." She pouted.

"You are already thinking of scolding me because of that, milady."

"You will not die, Lord Weller. You still have so much left to do. Do not be bothered by those thoughts."

He felt his own heartbeat racing, as he walked up closer to her, his smile never leaving his face, as it nearly always happened when he was near her.

"I shall do as milady desires."

She held out her hand, looking for his, he held hers promptly.

"You shall lead this army to victory. That is my command." She smiled.

"So I shall."

There was a quiet moment then, neither of them daring to move, knowing that even if they refused their minds to think so, it might as well be the very last moment they would be able to be together like that.

Conrad Weller breathed in and out, pressing slightly the small hand he held in his.

"Milady..."

He hesitated.

She looked up to him. "What is it?"

"I want to tell you that these years at your side have been the most wonderful years of my whole life. Serving you and guarding you and, most of all, being able to be considered your friend, has been an enormous honor, something for which I am and will be entirely grateful."

She felt speechless, not daring to say anything.

He moved a bit closer.

"I would very much prefer to stay with you for as long as it is possible for me, but we both know that I could not turn my back on my people or my kingdom. But believe me when I say that there is no one I would rather spend the rest of my life with than you."

She gasped. He nearly ran out of air as well, feeling he had been too bold, but fearing that if he stopped now he would never be able to say what he wanted most.

"I would never dare to come between you and your betrothed-"

"Conrad?"

"-but as I believe this could be the last opportunity I have to utter these words-words I had been saving inside the deepest corners of my soul-, I feel unable to... keep them for myself any longer."

Her voice was barely above a whisper. "What is it...?"

Her eyes looked slightly worried and mostly confused. He had to admit to himself that even if he had planned for this to be simple and straightforward, he really couldn't keep the sad tone out of his voice while he spoke. It was helpless, he believed. It was something that simply was, and he knew.

"I just... want you to know that I have always loved you, milady. With all my heart."

"Conrad..."

"I don't want you to feel guilty at all, it wasn't your fault. There was no way I could have known but then again, I feel there was no way I could have not loved you, since you are the most remarkable and astounding woman I have had the pleasure to meet, know and serve."

She pressed his hands tighter, chocking with small gasps, running out of air.

"I cannot deny that I would have loved for things to go another way, but things are as they must be. I will always love you, my lady Julia and will think of you until the day I die."

He choked on his own words then. He wouldn't cry, he wouldn't dare, but he almost did when he noticed the small tears falling through his lady's cheeks. He took them away with his fingers, softly, as she looked at him without looking and forced herself not to cry, he could notice.

He knelt in front of her, kissing her hand, the same way he had done so many years ago, when he had been chosen as her guardian. Today, he merely stood in front of her as a man who had fallen in love with a woman, a woman he knew he could never have.

She struggled to breathe and then followed to remove the pendant from her neck.

"Rise, my lord Weller."

He did as she commanded.

She put the pendant on him without saying anything else. He knew. Gratitude, an apology, a charm for luck and health, a symbol of her love—albeit, not that love—for him.

He bowed, and as he did, the horns could be heard all over the castle.

"I must go."

She bowed to him and nodded, a small smile touching her lips but not her eyes.

He held the pendant between his fingers, kissing it, before turning around and walking away.


End file.
